Top Ten Tuesday | Funny book quotes


Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly feature hosted at That Artsy Reader Girl. Each week you compile a list of ten books which coincide with that week’s theme. You can find everything you need to know about joining in here!

This week’s theme is ‘Books That Made Me Laugh Out Loud (Claire @ Book Lovers Pizza)’, so today I’m sharing quotes from ten different books that put a smile on my face!

Gideon had always known that this would be how she went: gangbanged to death by skeletons.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

“I’ve spent the last two hours worried that you were bleeding to death in a ditch,” Evie continued. “Now that I know you’re okay, I just want you to be bleeding to death in a ditch.”

“Aww, Lamb Chop, you missed me.”

“That’s what you just heard?”

“What can I say? I’m an optimist.”

Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray

“You know, for all the lecturing I’ve heard about how emotional women supposedly are, we have nothing on the men I’ve known.”

The Empire of Gold by S.A Chakraborty

“We all have our issues. I have a spare tire around my middle. His father is Satan. Nothing that can’t be worked out if we try hard enough.”

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

“It’s a symbiotic relationship: those two excel at being idiots, and I excel at shooting idiots. Everyone gets what they want.”

City of Blades by Robert Jackson Bennett

“But some of these plants are my friends. I wasn’t going to just leave them.” She ruffled her fingers through the lavender.

“Oh good,” said the Beast dryly. “Here I was afraid that I had kidnapped a sane person by mistake.”

Bryony and Roses by T. Kingfisher

“Look,” he says. “I’ll stop. I’ll leave Wellbelove alone from now on. She doesn’t matter to me.”

“That makes it worse!”

“Then I won’t stop!” he says, like he’s the one who should be angry. “Is that better? I’ll damned well marry her, and we’ll have the best-looking kids in the history of magic, and we’ll name them all Simon just to get under your skin.”

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

“Holy shit! Gross!”

“Maggie!” my mother snapped.

“Holy crap! Gross!”


The Awesome by Eva Darrows

After a while, she whispered in his ear, “Sweetie, are you crying?”

“No,” he said. “I’m leaking masculine pain from my eyeballs.”

Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

Daisy waits patiently with Hansel and Gretel as what can just about be described as a mob forms gradually around her. This takes about a minute. Hansel coughs nervously to fill the awkward pause as the small crowd ambles over, eventually hauling her up and carrying her off to the ducking stool, one particularly helpful mob member carrying her basket of toiletries for her.

“Whee!” comes the bloodcurdling cry of the accused witch.

Darkwood by Gabby Hutchinson Crouch

What did you talk about this week?

48 thoughts on “Top Ten Tuesday | Funny book quotes

  1. foreverlostinlit says:

    These quotes are the best. XD I love the banter in the Diviners trilogy, I almost included it this week on my list! Gideon the Ninth is one that keeps intriguing me. I think I’m going to need to check out a lot of these books because these quotes have totally hooked me, haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dinipandareads says:

    LOLOL OMG ded. These quotes are hilarious! I haven’t even read half the books but I defo want to now! 😂 Oh, too good! I looove those quotes from Cerulean Sea and Dani Brown though–can remember precisely when they happened (and pretty sure I highlighted them too)! 🤣 Bahaha, great list, Jess!

    Liked by 1 person

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